This Week

This last week has been both amazing and hard.


Amazing to spend the quality time with the Father that I’ve gotten to. Amazing to be in fellowship with other brothers and sisters who get it. Amazing to be understood and not to be looked at as a crazy person. Amazing to be taught and mentored by people who ooze our Savior. Amazing to know that I’m in the exact place the Father wants me to be in and pursuing the exact thing that He has called me to right now.

Hard because the enemy has been on me full force. Hard because I’ve had to combat the lies that he so easily has slipped in to my heart and mind my whole life in times where I’m so focused on serving the Father. Hard to not be with those who already know my whole past and understand how I’m wired.

But He is faithful and gracious! He spoke several truths to me today to combat those lies. To remind me who I am. To reassure me of His love for me. To encourage me in the fact that He chose me and He made me holy; I didn’t choose Him therefore I don’t have to make myself good enough for Him to love me (this does not mean I’ve signed up for full on Calvinism, don’t worry).

Something I’ve been struggling with a lot the last several months is the thought that I’m not worthy, qualified, or adequate to go. That has been a shared theme among many of us this week, and that has been so encouraging to hear. But this morning, one of our mentors said something that totally resonated with me. She said, “You feel unqualified and inadequate? Good! Those are exactly the kind of people God uses and exactly the kind of people those who are already on the field want. It is easy to teach unqualified, inadequate people, who are willing to learn, the skills they need to be effective, but it is hard to teach an un-teachable person to be teachable.”