Monday, February 8, 2010
What If...?
Friday, February 5, 2010
More of His Death in my Life
"And Jesus answered them [Philip and Andrew bringing Greeks to Jesus], saying, 'The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified. Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. He who loves his life loses it, and he who hates his life in this world will keep it to life eternal. If anyone serves Me, he must follow Me; and where I am, there My servant will be also; if anyone serves Me, the Father will honor him'" John 12:23-26
God led me to set aside this past week to seriously pray and seek Him in regards to preparing for the interview conference and all that lies beyond it. It has been an amazing week in His presence, full of challenge, comfort, peace, fear, stripping, painful reality, gentle reminder of His nature, and the list could go on and on. But today, the last day that I specifically set aside, God brought me to the end...death. I just happened to pick up a book I've been reading and the chapter I was on was entitled, "More of His Death in my Life". Gee, thanks, God! It was based on the above passage where Jesus once again explains the serious commitment of following Him. Here are some words from Anne Graham Lotz, the author of this book (My Heart's Cry):
"I will tell you honestly from experience that crucifixion is a slow, painful death to your self. It is impossible for victims to crucify themselves. Crucifixion is the result of our decision to yield ourselves to God as He allows various pressures and problems and pain into our lives. These things are often a part of our lives anyway, but in the lives of God's children, they are not wasted. They are used to put us to death, that we might be raised to an abundant...victorious...blessed...fruitful...powerful...Christlike...Spirit-filled life" (pg. 63).
"The power in your life and mine that results in blessing is in direct proportion to the extent that you are willing to 'hate your life'--to die to...your own will, your own goals, your own dreams, your own desires, your own wants, your own plans, your own rights, your own reputation. It's what Jesus meant when He challenged His disciples, 'If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.' However, before you get too hung up on the cross, don't forget--after the cross comes the resurrection and the power and the glory and the crown! The writer to the Hebrews reveals that Jesus kept His focus on the joy of abundant blessing as He 'endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.' Because Jesus was willing to die, He was blessed by God with a position of power and authority as His right hand" (pg. 64-65).
Lord, I have to die. That's what you've brought me to at the end of this week. I have to die to my fantasies, my expectations, my dreams, my hopes, my plans, my timing, my desires, my rights, my reputation because your dreams, plans, timing, desires, and reputation are so much greater and more glorious! I choose to let you crucify my self because all I want is you. I don't want to add you to my life; I want you to be my life. I truly do want you to carry out your will for your glory. Whether that means you send me somewhere with Journeyman or you have some other plans for me, I submit to you. Even if it means sending me to Europe or Russia ;) I want more of your death in my life because that's what produces fruit, furthers your kingdom, and glorifies your name. That's what matters for eternity. I choose to lose my life. I lay down my family, my friends, my church, my community, my life in Riverside, my education, my finances, my comfort--everything I hold dearly as mine. It's all yours. Always has been. Always will be. My life is not my own. You bought me for a price, a costly price. You deserve so much more than my life, but that's all I have to give. Thank you that that's all you want. Take my life and let it be set apart to you for your glory.
God led me to set aside this past week to seriously pray and seek Him in regards to preparing for the interview conference and all that lies beyond it. It has been an amazing week in His presence, full of challenge, comfort, peace, fear, stripping, painful reality, gentle reminder of His nature, and the list could go on and on. But today, the last day that I specifically set aside, God brought me to the end...death. I just happened to pick up a book I've been reading and the chapter I was on was entitled, "More of His Death in my Life". Gee, thanks, God! It was based on the above passage where Jesus once again explains the serious commitment of following Him. Here are some words from Anne Graham Lotz, the author of this book (My Heart's Cry):
"I will tell you honestly from experience that crucifixion is a slow, painful death to your self. It is impossible for victims to crucify themselves. Crucifixion is the result of our decision to yield ourselves to God as He allows various pressures and problems and pain into our lives. These things are often a part of our lives anyway, but in the lives of God's children, they are not wasted. They are used to put us to death, that we might be raised to an abundant...victorious...blessed...fruitful...powerful...Christlike...Spirit-filled life" (pg. 63).
"The power in your life and mine that results in blessing is in direct proportion to the extent that you are willing to 'hate your life'--to die to...your own will, your own goals, your own dreams, your own desires, your own wants, your own plans, your own rights, your own reputation. It's what Jesus meant when He challenged His disciples, 'If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.' However, before you get too hung up on the cross, don't forget--after the cross comes the resurrection and the power and the glory and the crown! The writer to the Hebrews reveals that Jesus kept His focus on the joy of abundant blessing as He 'endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.' Because Jesus was willing to die, He was blessed by God with a position of power and authority as His right hand" (pg. 64-65).
Lord, I have to die. That's what you've brought me to at the end of this week. I have to die to my fantasies, my expectations, my dreams, my hopes, my plans, my timing, my desires, my rights, my reputation because your dreams, plans, timing, desires, and reputation are so much greater and more glorious! I choose to let you crucify my self because all I want is you. I don't want to add you to my life; I want you to be my life. I truly do want you to carry out your will for your glory. Whether that means you send me somewhere with Journeyman or you have some other plans for me, I submit to you. Even if it means sending me to Europe or Russia ;) I want more of your death in my life because that's what produces fruit, furthers your kingdom, and glorifies your name. That's what matters for eternity. I choose to lose my life. I lay down my family, my friends, my church, my community, my life in Riverside, my education, my finances, my comfort--everything I hold dearly as mine. It's all yours. Always has been. Always will be. My life is not my own. You bought me for a price, a costly price. You deserve so much more than my life, but that's all I have to give. Thank you that that's all you want. Take my life and let it be set apart to you for your glory.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
I'm Really Going!
Yesterday I received a packet of information about my interview, and it hit me that I really am going to this interview! I know that might sound crazy, but I guess it hadn't cemented in my brain until last night. I really am making a serious step toward living overseas for the next 2 years of my life. It's a reality. With all of this realization last night, I got scared. But this morning while I was praying, I also realized that I can't picture myself doing anything else in the next 2 years. I don't know if that's a good or bad thing or what that means really, but that's where I am. I'm also super excited, don't get me wrong! God has continually counteracted my fear with His peace and His constant plea for me to trust and rest in Him. I can't wait to see what God has in store :)
Monday, February 1, 2010
So Much to Blog About...
I could look back in my journal over the past month and blog about all the crazy important things God has taught me and done in my life, but that might turn into a novel, and frankly, I'm too lazy to leave this comfy chair to go get my journal! The main thing that happened this month was that I found out I get to interview for the Journeyman program!!!! That has brought along with it a wealth of varying emotions from sheer excitement to panicked fear. Yesterday I was reading the Bible and praying, and God showed me that this whole month through all the roller coaster of emotions, I have been thinking that He was sending me to Virginia (where the interview is) all alone while He was going to stay right here in Riverside! I've had this mindset that I have to prove myself, I have to make the decisions required there, I have to defend my church choice, I, I, I. Um, hello?! Where along the line did I forget that my life is in God's hands, that He led me through this application process, that He got me the interview, that He has the authority over the IMB and myself to make the decisions He wants to make? Sometimes I just gotta laugh at myself.
I've also been learning a lot about fasting this month. Today, God told me that part of the purpose of fasting (at least for me in this point in time) is stripping. It gives God more of an opportunity to strip me of sin that He does not want in my life. Especially as I prepare to go to this interview, I am praying that He will continue to strip me down so that all that's left is Him. That's a scary prayer, but I know it's necessary and so worth it.
Please be praying for me these next 2 1/2 weeks as God prepares me for my interview. Thank you!
I've also been learning a lot about fasting this month. Today, God told me that part of the purpose of fasting (at least for me in this point in time) is stripping. It gives God more of an opportunity to strip me of sin that He does not want in my life. Especially as I prepare to go to this interview, I am praying that He will continue to strip me down so that all that's left is Him. That's a scary prayer, but I know it's necessary and so worth it.
Please be praying for me these next 2 1/2 weeks as God prepares me for my interview. Thank you!
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Prayer for Missio Dei
From Isaiah 58:
Repentance, humility, willingness to get our hands dirty providing for and reaching out to the rejected and oppressed of our society, determination to share the gospel with others, eyes to see God's guidance and feet to follow where He leads, complete reliance on God alone.
Check out Jon Foreman's song based on this chapter:
From the book of Acts:
Passion for your name; zeal for proclaiming you and furthering your kingdom; faith that you will do big things; determined obedience to your call to be witnesses locally and globally; keen awareness of the Holy Spirit's presence, leading, and power; willingness to risk everything to follow you--even our lives; communal attitude and lifestyle--willingness to share and be generous; truthful spirit within and among ourselves as a body; your eyes and heart for others; no prejudices or stereotypes; intense longing for the Scriptures and devotion to check everything against the Scriptures; listening ears to your call (whether to a co-worker in the office or to a Muslim on the other side of the world); wisdom to relate the gospel to our culture; willingness to throw everything overboard except you.
Micah 7:7-20
7But as for me, I will (A)watch expectantly for the LORD;
I will (B)wait for the God of my salvation
My (C)God will hear me.
8(D)Do not rejoice over me, O (E)my enemy
Though I fall I will (F)rise;
Though I dwell in darkness, the LORD is a (G)light for me.
9I will bear the indignation of the LORD
Because I have sinned against Him,
Until He (H)pleads my case and executes justice for me
He will bring me out to the (I)light,
And I will see His (J)righteousness.
10Then my enemy will see,
And shame will cover her who (K)said to me,
"Where is the LORD your God?"
My eyes will look on her;
At that time she will be (L)trampled down
Like mire of the streets.
11It will be a day for (M)building your walls.
On that day will your boundary be extended.
12It will be a day when they will (N)come to you
From Assyria and the cities of Egypt,
From Egypt even to the Euphrates,
Even from sea to sea and mountain to mountain.
13And the earth will become (O)desolate because of her inhabitants,
On account of the (P)fruit of their deeds.
14(Q)Shepherd Your people with Your (R)scepter,
The flock of Your possession
Which dwells by itself in the woodland,
In the midst of a fruitful field
Let them feed in (S)Bashan and Gilead
(T)As in the days of old.
15"As in the days when you came out from the land of Egypt,
I will show (U)you miracles."
16Nations (V)will see and be ashamed
Of all their might
They will (W)put their hand on their mouth,
Their ears will be deaf.
17They will (X)lick the dust like a serpent,
Like (Y)reptiles of the earth
They will come (Z)trembling out of their fortresses;
To the LORD our God they will come in (AA)dread
And they will be afraid before You.
18Who is a God like You, who (AB)pardons iniquity
And passes over the rebellious act of the (AC)remnant of His possession?
He does not (AD)retain His anger forever,
Because He (AE)delights in unchanging love.
19He will again have compassion on us;
(AF)He will tread our iniquities under foot
Yes, You will (AG)cast all their sins
Into the depths of the sea.
20You will give (AH)truth to Jacob
And unchanging love to Abraham,
Which You (AI)swore to our forefathers
From the days of old.
"Set the World on Fire" by Britt Nicole (adapted to pray for Missio Dei)
We want to set the world on fire
Until it's burning bright for You
It's something that we desire
Can we be the one you use?
We are small but You are big
We are weak but You are strong
Take our dreams, color and give them wings
Lord, use us to glorify Your name in all the earth.
We want to feed the hungry children
And reach across the farthest land
And tell the broken there is healing
And mercy in the Father's hands.
Our hands, our feet, our everything
Our life, our love. Lord, use us.
Repentance, humility, willingness to get our hands dirty providing for and reaching out to the rejected and oppressed of our society, determination to share the gospel with others, eyes to see God's guidance and feet to follow where He leads, complete reliance on God alone.
Check out Jon Foreman's song based on this chapter:
From the book of Acts:
Passion for your name; zeal for proclaiming you and furthering your kingdom; faith that you will do big things; determined obedience to your call to be witnesses locally and globally; keen awareness of the Holy Spirit's presence, leading, and power; willingness to risk everything to follow you--even our lives; communal attitude and lifestyle--willingness to share and be generous; truthful spirit within and among ourselves as a body; your eyes and heart for others; no prejudices or stereotypes; intense longing for the Scriptures and devotion to check everything against the Scriptures; listening ears to your call (whether to a co-worker in the office or to a Muslim on the other side of the world); wisdom to relate the gospel to our culture; willingness to throw everything overboard except you.
Micah 7:7-20
7But as for me, I will (A)watch expectantly for the LORD;
I will (B)wait for the God of my salvation
My (C)God will hear me.
8(D)Do not rejoice over me, O (E)my enemy
Though I fall I will (F)rise;
Though I dwell in darkness, the LORD is a (G)light for me.
9I will bear the indignation of the LORD
Because I have sinned against Him,
Until He (H)pleads my case and executes justice for me
He will bring me out to the (I)light,
And I will see His (J)righteousness.
10Then my enemy will see,
And shame will cover her who (K)said to me,
"Where is the LORD your God?"
My eyes will look on her;
At that time she will be (L)trampled down
Like mire of the streets.
11It will be a day for (M)building your walls.
On that day will your boundary be extended.
12It will be a day when they will (N)come to you
From Assyria and the cities of Egypt,
From Egypt even to the Euphrates,
Even from sea to sea and mountain to mountain.
13And the earth will become (O)desolate because of her inhabitants,
On account of the (P)fruit of their deeds.
14(Q)Shepherd Your people with Your (R)scepter,
The flock of Your possession
Which dwells by itself in the woodland,
In the midst of a fruitful field
Let them feed in (S)Bashan and Gilead
(T)As in the days of old.
15"As in the days when you came out from the land of Egypt,
I will show (U)you miracles."
16Nations (V)will see and be ashamed
Of all their might
They will (W)put their hand on their mouth,
Their ears will be deaf.
17They will (X)lick the dust like a serpent,
Like (Y)reptiles of the earth
They will come (Z)trembling out of their fortresses;
To the LORD our God they will come in (AA)dread
And they will be afraid before You.
18Who is a God like You, who (AB)pardons iniquity
And passes over the rebellious act of the (AC)remnant of His possession?
He does not (AD)retain His anger forever,
Because He (AE)delights in unchanging love.
19He will again have compassion on us;
(AF)He will tread our iniquities under foot
Yes, You will (AG)cast all their sins
Into the depths of the sea.
20You will give (AH)truth to Jacob
And unchanging love to Abraham,
Which You (AI)swore to our forefathers
From the days of old.
"Set the World on Fire" by Britt Nicole (adapted to pray for Missio Dei)
We want to set the world on fire
Until it's burning bright for You
It's something that we desire
Can we be the one you use?
We are small but You are big
We are weak but You are strong
Take our dreams, color and give them wings
Lord, use us to glorify Your name in all the earth.
We want to feed the hungry children
And reach across the farthest land
And tell the broken there is healing
And mercy in the Father's hands.
Our hands, our feet, our everything
Our life, our love. Lord, use us.
Friday, January 8, 2010
Fasting and Memorizing
So I have had a blog post in my head for at least a week, but I'm not going to write it. It's just more frustrations with where I and the church in America are in relation to where Christ taught us, showed us, and called us to be. Just read Matthew instead. He does a better job of explaining it than I would anyway.
So here's the blog post that you're going to get. Some of my friends and I are fasting from surfing the net this month...whatever that means. Until tonight (I know, it's the 8th already), I hadn't defined it for myself yet. I guess because I didn't really want to give up anything I really enjoyed doing on the Internet. Well, God made me rise to the challenge of this fast, and starting tonight, I will no longer be on the computer for the month of January, except to check my email. Why? Well, tonight as I was trying to figure out what to do to occupy my time, all I wanted to do was be on my computer. Chatting with people, stalking people and pictures on facebook, reading blogs, etc. My computer has become a god. Ouch. That hurts to confess out loud. So this month, instead of being on the computer, I am committing to memorize Scripture and spend some quality time seeking God, building relationships with people I don't generally make time for, and reaching out to the rejected of society like Christ did while He was here (like I'm called to every month of the year!). In terms of memorizing, I'm starting with Psalm 34. Pretty awesome. Here's how it starts: "I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth." Wow! Lord, make that a reality in my life.
So here's the blog post that you're going to get. Some of my friends and I are fasting from surfing the net this month...whatever that means. Until tonight (I know, it's the 8th already), I hadn't defined it for myself yet. I guess because I didn't really want to give up anything I really enjoyed doing on the Internet. Well, God made me rise to the challenge of this fast, and starting tonight, I will no longer be on the computer for the month of January, except to check my email. Why? Well, tonight as I was trying to figure out what to do to occupy my time, all I wanted to do was be on my computer. Chatting with people, stalking people and pictures on facebook, reading blogs, etc. My computer has become a god. Ouch. That hurts to confess out loud. So this month, instead of being on the computer, I am committing to memorize Scripture and spend some quality time seeking God, building relationships with people I don't generally make time for, and reaching out to the rejected of society like Christ did while He was here (like I'm called to every month of the year!). In terms of memorizing, I'm starting with Psalm 34. Pretty awesome. Here's how it starts: "I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth." Wow! Lord, make that a reality in my life.
Friday, January 1, 2010
New Year's Post
As I look backward and forward, I realize one thing (well more than one, but one that I will boil all the rest down to)—God is faithful. I know that sounds cliché, and I’ll admit, that many times when I say it, I say it out of a mediocre spirit. But this past week, God has enabled me to speak into people’s lives from my past who are now encountering similar hardships I’ve already gone through. It has been so refreshing to look back and see what God really has delivered me from, how far He’s brought me, and what my life could have been like if He hadn’t rescued me. As many of you know, I struggled through an eating disorder the latter part of high school and the early part of college. It was a dark, dark time in my life that no words can adequately describe, but the contrast that God’s marvelous light and freedom has been is equally indescribable. His relentless pursuit of me alone is why I am still here today and why I am passionate about His name, His glory, His kingdom, and the nations. As I have met with my friend this week on a couple occasions, whose daughter is now struggling with an eating disorder, God has brought me through a time of grateful reflection of all that He has done in my life. He truly worked a miracle in setting me free from that struggle! I honestly don’t know how anyone can overcome an eating disorder without the Lord. He alone is responsible for getting me out of that. And now, He is using me to help others through the same thing! Wow, God, you do have a purpose in everything! Thank you for your faithfulness and relentless pursuit of me!
Not only have I looked back on the last 4-5 years of my life this week, I also have been reflecting on this last year. One word to describe this year: waiting. If you have had any conversation with me this past year, this word probably came up! From Scripture, I know that waiting on the Lord is invaluable. In the midst of all this waiting, it has been hard, I’m not going to lie. But at the same time, I’m already seeing some of God’s purposes in having me wait. He has cleaned me out of a lot of junk in my life, namely pride. He has changed my perspective on missions, stripping me down to a willingness to go anywhere and serve anyone for the glory of His name. He has stripped me of more of my ingrained American Christianity, showing me who He is, who He desires the church to be, what discipleship looks like, and what He intends His kingdom to be. He has also shown me the many blessings He has given me during this waiting period, including spending extra time at home with my family (especially my Grandma), enjoying extra time in Riverside with my friends, church, and community, and being stretched to be bold for Him stateside before I intend to do the same overseas. Boldness has been the main lesson God has taught me this year during this waiting time. Still have a long, long, long way to go! Again, thank you, God for your faithfulness and patience with me.
Par t of New Year’s is not only looking back on the past year but also looking forward to the next year. I am giddy with excitement over what God has planned this coming year! It makes my heart race just thinking about it! To look back and see how He has dramatically changed me into a completely different person in the last 5 years makes me so eager to see what He’s going to do in the next 5 years. This next year could take me across the world for a significant period of time. Or it could leave me in Riverside. Wherever God takes me this year, I know it will be an adventure, at times painful, but overall, joyful, and I am so excited! God, I look forward to seeing your faithfulness in a different light this coming year!
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