God's Goodness

The verses on my mind today as I reflect over what God has been doing in my life the past couple weeks:

"Delight yourself in the Lord; and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He will do it" (Ps 37:4-5).

Two weeks ago, I hurt my foot. That might not sound like a big deal, but for someone training for a half marathon, who had made that an idol in her life, it was a big deal. It kind of became the straw that broke the camel's back in my life this month.

For the last 3 years, it seems God has been constantly stripping me, breaking me, convicting me, purifying me, and molding me into I'm-not-sure-what-but-it's-painful. The last month or so, I've gotten to the place where I'm just worn out. I've felt beaten up and broken down and just at the end of my rope.

Then I hurt my foot. Two weeks before my race. Straw that broke the camel's back.

It's not fun to be completely broken. Running had become my only thing that I felt I could do on my own and be good at, at a time where the Lord kept pruning me and showing me all the areas of my life that were not good. But I had taken a gift that He had given me-- running-- and made it an idol. I started worshiping the gift (and myself) rather than the Giver, as the saying goes.

Turns out, God knew exactly what He was doing. As always.

He knew I needed some humbling, some repentance, and some open eyes to see Him.

First of all, He humbled me to realize that I can't do this thing called life on my own. I try all the time. And fail, exhausted. He convicted me of depending on myself for everything and not depending on Him for anything. He opened my eyes to see how He loves me and is taking care of me and how He knows the desires of my heart. He's taught me that as I let go and depend on Him, not only does He take care of everything that I worry about and everything that I previously would've tried to do on my own strength, He works in ways far more abundantly than I could ever ask for or imagine AND He gives me those desires of my heart that I tend to hold onto and try to make happen on my own. What a good and gracious God we have!

Today was my race. I prayed that God would heal my foot and that He would get me to the finish line. I promised Him that I would give Him all the glory because it would clearly be Him doing it, since my foot was injured and since I haven't run for 2 weeks because of it. And you know, He did heal my foot! I had zero pain during the whole race AND He gave my friend and I speed and endurance to finish in the time I had hoped. He is so good to me! I don't deserve any of that, let alone for Him to bless me far more abundantly than I asked for or could've hoped for!  He loved me in a very unique way that spoke right to me today and really this whole weekend, and I am so grateful! I am standing in awe of Him who is faithful and good and who gives His undeserving children such good gifts. To Him be the glory!