Not Yet

I'm not ready to leave yet. I'm ready to go, but not to leave, if that makes sense. Honestly, I'm dreading the next four weeks. Leaving the amazing people here is going to be one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I know that sounds drastic, but seriously, I've never had a bond with people like I've had here--never. The relationships Father has blessed me with here are beyond anything I've ever known. Here I have felt loved. Yes, all of you at home have loved me in incredible ways and I SOO appreciate it, but it's been different here. Full of understanding. Deeper. Richer. I don't know, I guess I can't explain it. Before I got here, I was dreading saying goodbye to my family and friends in CA, not even thinking I would have trouble saying goodbye to people here, but this first goodbye is going to be just as hard as saying goodbye to my family whom I've known my whole life and to my friends who have poured into me for the last 5 years. Please don't get me wrong, I love all of you at home so incredibly much and I am DREADING saying goodbye to you as well. The relationships here have just taken me by surprise as well as the difficulty of goodbyes here. Anyway, that's where I am. On the verge of tears at any given moment. At a place where the word "goodbye" puts a knot in my stomach and takes my breath away every time it is spoken. That's where I'm at.