Weary in the Battle

Lately I've just been ready for the battle to be over. Surrounded by darkness from without, often feeling consumed by darkness from within. It's a constant fight. One that I'm tired of fighting. I know this war has already been won. I know the end has already been determined. I know the Lord has a day on the calendar when the enemy will be ushered away into eternal condemnation. But can that victory be seen in this place among these people now? Can that day on the calendar be today?

One of my friends told me yesterday that it's hard because I am in a war. She wisely said that if it was easy, then I'd have no place in being here or reason for being here because if it was easy, then the war would be finished already. As I look at the next 2+ months of fighting in this place among these people for His name to be made known here, I'm tired and feeling defeated before I even look at taking a step forward into tomorrow.

But my God is greater than any tiredness, weakness, fear, or feeling of giving up. My God has already declared victory. My God has already defeated the enemy-- in my life, in this place, and around the world. My God is the defense of my life. My God conceals me in His tabernacle, His holy place where Satan and sin cannot enter. My God hides me in the secret place of His tent, a place that Satan could never find even if he spent the rest of his life trying. My God is my salvation. My God is my light, even in the midst of such consuming darkness. Therefore, I can have full confidence in Him. Therefore, I have nothing to fear. I never really understood how the last 2 verses of this psalm (27) connected to the rest, but He made it all click for me tonight: "I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage; yes, wait for the Lord" (v. 13-14). I guess it clicked because I can relate to David here-- I know despair. Probably not as intensely as he knew despair, but I've definitely experienced it these last 2 years. The antedote for despair? Belief. He says, "Don't despair in the fight but instead wait for Me, believing that I have and will bring the victory."

I'm in the best hands possible. The most capable hands. I couldn't ask for anyone better to hold me or protect me. I couldn't ask for a better Husband.

He led me to Eph 6 again tonight as well. Again, didn't think about how the last few verses of the armor of God passage (v. 19-20) connect to v. 10-18 until He whispered these words so clearly to me tonight: "Paul didn't ask to be removed from the battle, from spiritual warfare; instead, he asked for prayer for boldness to proclaim the gospel in the midst of the battle, in the midst of spiritual warfare." God, grant me belief and grant me the grace and sustenance to stand, fight, and boldly proclaim your gospel in the midst of the battle. I can't do any of this. You know even better than I do how weak I am and how drained I am from being surrounded by darkness and from fighting it, but you've promised to fight for me because this battle is yours, this war is yours, and this victory is yours. It's all for your name's sake and your glory. I hide in you and surrender to you. Accomplish your will in this place among these people in this war.